So lately, I’ve been feeling as if I’ve lost myself. I don’t really feel like myself anymore. I use to be so energetic, joyful to be around and flamboyant and all those great things, but now, I’m like a rock, super boring to be around. I think it might have to do something with the position of President for Key Club. Ever since I was elected, I’ve been 100x more cautious with how I behave in public because I don’t want to give my club a bad representation.
For example, when I’m with my friends or in public in general, I’m not as open as I use to be. I’m scared of doing something too crazy and having rumors spread about me? Sometimes, my mood will be super fun and crazy to be around and sometimes it’ll just be straight up boring and people will want to avoid me.
Besides my behavior change, I’ve noticed people changing and how they’ve been treating me differently. Lots of my friends have became more distant with me because of how strict I’ve become. It’s not like I want to be strict or condescending, it’s because I have to. I can’t just be super lenient as a President because then there would be no structure and the whole club would fall.
Recently I had to talk to my board about that. I wrote a 4 page rant about how disappointed and upset I’ve been at some of them. It was sort of like an indirect confrontation. It was really hard for me to put my feelings into words without being too severe or harsh, but in the end my board understood that I’m still the same person, just really stressed out.
When I’m stressed out, I become so impatient and sometimes I accidentally take it out on others. It’s something that I’m trying to improve on. Because of stress, my behavior has been so different to my peers that they were becoming distant from me. I hope that I can figure out a way to not get stressed out so easily because I love all my friends and my board!